I Forgot To Tell You

I'm sorry.

Did I mention I feel sad?

I must have forgotten to smile.

It happens.

I forget that I look mad.

I can’t help it.

I feel angry all the time.

There is a constant mixture of sadness and anger.

Someone once said that all the best people are mad.

I don’t think so.

If I were, then the best things wouldn’t be different.

Certain songs wouldn’t make me cry.

Some of the memories I have wouldn’t piss me off.

I wouldn’t be a ball of nerves when I wake up.

I’m always nervous.

Every time I walk out the door I feel it.

Like something is going to happen.

I didn’t think I would make it this far.

Either the world would off me, or my own hands.

Honestly, I’m surprised I made it past 20.

Now I’m left with uncertainty.

What am I supposed to do?

All my plans failed.

I feel like I am motionless.

I was left to rot in “normal” life.

I don’t want a normal life.

This is why I wake up feeling anxious, angry, and disappointed.

All of this runs through my mind constantly.

I know I should let you know my smile is plastic.

Ingrained in my head from a young age.

Don’t let them see you frown.

I must have forgotten to tell you.

Hi, I’m Courtney, and I'm seriously messed up.