Did I mention I feel sad?
I must have forgotten to smile.
I forget that I look mad.
I can’t help it.
I feel angry all the time.
There is a constant mixture of sadness and anger.
Someone once said that all the best people are mad.
I don’t think so.
If I were, then the best things wouldn’t be different.
Certain songs wouldn’t make me cry.
Some of the memories I have wouldn’t piss me off.
I wouldn’t be a ball of nerves when I wake up.
I’m always nervous.
Every time I walk out the door I feel it.
Like something is going to happen.
I didn’t think I would make it this far.
Either the world would off me, or my own hands.
Honestly, I’m surprised I made it past 20.
Now I’m left with uncertainty.
What am I supposed to do?
All my plans failed.
I feel like I am motionless.
I was left to rot in “normal” life.
I don’t want a normal life.
This is why I wake up feeling anxious, angry, and disappointed.
All of this runs through my mind constantly.
I know I should let you know my smile is plastic.
Ingrained in my head from a young age.
Don’t let them see you frown.
I must have forgotten to tell you.
Hi, I’m Courtney, and I'm seriously messed up.