I Didn't Take A Shower
Cleanliness is the same as happiness.
Not only is a shower two times a day important, but mandatory.
I take a cold shower in the morning to wake myself up.
I linger under the cool water and scrub the sleep away.
I want to feel clean, so I can take on the day.
My morning showers occur at different times.
Sometimes I go for a run and then take a shower.
Other times I take my cold shower when I get up.
They must happen before I start my day.
Hot showers are saved for night time.
The hot water soothes my muscles.
The best of my thinking happens here.
The warm water is perfect for ensuring a good night’s sleep.
I take showers anywhere I go.
I always take one before I go to bed.
If they occur too early, I have to take another.
But, the other day I didn’t feel the need.
I skipped both daily rituals.
Instead, I went outside and got dirty.
I didn’t even care that I went to bed filthy.
I laughed with my sister.
We got lunch and spent the entire day together.
All our problems were left behind the moment I put the car in drive.
It was a blissful day.
Then, I went to dinner with my parents.
We joked until our bellies were full.
Then, I went home and played video games.
I stayed up way too late for a weekday.
I had completely forgotten that I needed to shower.
The next thing I knew, I woke up.
I was filthy, but I felt the best I had in ages.
I started the day slowly.
I got myself ready for my ritual.
But I didn’t feel like it was a necessity.
I scrubbed my best day away, but didn’t feel like it was important.
I didn’t take a shower because I didn’t care.
For once in my life, I didn’t care about something.
It terrifies me.
Caring was the only way I could remind myself to feel.
It was a safety net.
A step in my morning to get me out of bed.
It forced me to do something, instead of panicking about nothing.
Now, I can step under the water and it's not as important.
Now it's an option.
Getting up is an option.
I’m not worried about spending too long under my covers, covered in dirt.
Being dirty is an option.
For so long, I had to force myself out of bed.
I didn’t have a reason to get up, and I felt like I wanted to lie there forever.
I would make myself take a shower.
The ritual was like a checklist that took my mind off of the sadness.
I don’t need it anymore.
Now I feel like I can get up on my own.
Every day there is something to look forward to.
I don't even have to take a shower.